Inside My Head

My assistant manager needs to learn some tact. You don't manage employees better by asserting your power and intimidating people. You can do your job 100% better if you don't talk down to them, because they'll feel more valuable. Today I got a "talk" because I have a lot of fun on the work floor, and it's quite possibly detracting from my work ability. Really? Well... last I checked, Alex never works with me or sees me DOING work, all he does is see me in the back room where he notices that my shirt isn't tucked in, that my socks are white instead of black, and that I'm loud.

Sure, none of those things are that great... but after all those things, Alex instead tries to throw accusations that basically sum up to "Rowan, you are having too much fun to actually be working." This is ironic because whenever anyone asks what's wrong with me, my usual response is "work is as fun as you make it... and I have a lot of fun at work." No, I don't act like that all the time... but it certainly makes 6 to 8 hours go by much faster. So I argued with him! I normally wouldn't argue with a manager, but I don't appreciate being talked down when I've done nothing wrong! Tell me I'm loud, sure. Just tell me to shut the fuck up and I'll respect that better... but don't tell me that I'm not doing any work. I "thanked him for his concern" but that I would have to disagree with him because A: I close to full standards every weekend with an ex-store manager who thinks I'm great, and B: You are full of it, Alex! You don't even see me work!

He wants to nitpick over retarded shit because it's not done to the FULLEST extent of standards. Take this for example: I was cutting the eggnog with milk, which is 2/3 eggnog 1/3 milk. I am doing this in a 6 litre cube. I poor 2 cartons of 2 litres of eggnog. That's 4 litres so far. I then decide to freehand pour the milk because... well... it's safe to say that it will probably add up to 6 litres if the cube only can hold 6 litres. Alex disagrees, and reprimands me for not measuring the milk before I pour it. FUCK YOU, NAZI. THIS IS STARBUCKS, NOT ROCKET SURGERY. HALF A MILLILITRE EXTRA MILK WON'T CHANGE THE TASTE IN THE 20 OR SO DRINKS IT WILL MAKE.

Either way... I'm pretty sure people have just gone and complained to Alex or whomever else about my... overwhelming energy on the work floor because they don't like it. That's fine they don't like it, but they should just tell me instead of get me reprimanded for having fun doing my job. The sad reality is that even when I change my attitude, even for an hour or so, people immediately pick up on it and wonder "Ah... you seem weird today Rowan! We need your energy to pick us up!" It's such a fucking stupid cliche thing to say, but people either love me or hate me. I just wish the people who hated me could put on their big kid pants and talk to me about it, so maybe compromise could occur.

....sorry for the lengthy rant.

On wednesday evening I went to bed around midnight... which is awesome! Seeing as how I had to wake up at 8:30AM.

...I woke up at 9:40AM somehow, which is *looks at watch* approximately "I'M SO FUCKED ON BEING ON TIME FOR MY MAJOR PROGRAMMING TEST". Normally I don't give a fuck if I'm late and I will still shower/eat and get to school when I do, because hey... those things bother me throughout the whole day if I don't do them. 30% must be a strong motivator however, because today was a full blown RACE and my mom happily obliged in saving me 20 minutes by dropping me off at the bus stop. I get to class 2 minutes late only to find out that my test is pretty much as easy as beating my sister while playing ping pong. Yes, that previous analogy could have two meanings. ... o_O
I ACED MY TEST WOOO WOO WOOOO. My program ruled. Done in 20 minutes FLAWLESSLY and with detailed explanation lines within the code so even somebody with no programming knowledge could see what it does and how it works. If I don't get an A+ I will shit bricks.

Then I had 3.5 hours to kill. So I killed zombies... for a long time. Then in Accounting I realized how much I truly hate the guy next to me. I try to make friends with most people, and Kirk has done me no wrong... but he's just so fucking weird, and annoying in his subtle actions. I've never hated somebody for being weird before, because that would be hypocritical... but Kirk is weird and I hate him D:< He stares at everything I do on my computer, even though he has his own in front of him, and there's a lecture going on. He even copies my notes, when all I'm doing is writing down what she has on the overhead / says to accompany it. He could look forward at the giant screen and copy the BIG letters onto his laptop... or he could stare awkwardly at what I'm doing and then write what I have. WHY DOES THIS BOTHER ME SO MUCH? I hate it. He sucks. Wilson, my annoying little yellow friend, will soon be replacing him. Good.... good.... *scheming finger motions*.

Work was retarded but cool. Triple venti, nonfat, extra foamy, extra drizzle caramel macchiato bitch came into the drive-thru (I had a bad experience with this heavyset brat of a customer at 11:59PM once. That's 1 minute before close). Now I'm not the only one who hates her, because Abby had to deal with her. Yesss.
Abby and I then hatched a devious ploy to fuck with other starbucks branches. One of us would act like a total starbucks retard, asking if they have any milk, before asking for "steamed milk over espresso shots in a medium sized cup". Then they would hand over their partner card for the discount and the person at the register would be like :O WTF. BUT WAIT! That's not the best part. The next person would come up to the till, pretending to be completely unaffiliated with the first person, of course... and then ask for the most redundant drink ever... like... a double grande, 3 pump vanilla, 2% milk, with caramel drizzle on top; caramel macchiato (This is the default way of making it...). Then they give the partner card and the cashier's head would probably asplode at this point being like WTF WHO HIRED THESE RETARDS AT OTHER STARBUCKS". It will happen soon I hope.

I have too much imagination, and too much time on my hands sometimes.

BTW - I love you, Old Man Who Wears A Pointy Hat And Looks Like A Hogwarts Teacher On 160th Street. You are so great.
Adrienne, don't worry. However awesome that guy is.... is like the cube root of how awesome you are. He's got nothing on you.
Except his hat is way cooler than yours.

Poll #1468939 Awesome Morale
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 6

How awesome do you feel?

Things that make me happy, and contribute to the awesomeness of life: 

• Being in love with and being loved by the best person I've met.  Thank you Adrienne for letting me be a part of your life, as it has enriched it in ways that nobody else's company ever has before. 
• Constantly doing things and being involved in not just my own life, but other peoples' lives as well, even if just for a few moments at a time.  I even like talking to Wilson, the annoying little guy in 2 of my classes.  He's my buddy, and I've accepted he's an annoying dumbass.  He's nice!
• Getting straight A's!  Kicking ass and taking names at school while feeling good about what I'm learning.  I'm learning useful and important stuff this semester that I actually LIKE coming into class for.  Intro to Computers sounds like a shit class... and it was... but now we've started to do stuff I didn't already know.  Me like that!
• Rediscovering Garry's Mod (An online PC game).  It is a sandbox with customizable tools that lets me take my mathematical/programming knowledge and flex my creative muscles in a fun way.  That's a good time, for me anyways. 
• Feeling truly like I am in control of my own life, and no longer am I just figuring life out, or going from day to day just being.  This feeling is priceless, and (so far) I love going to bed because I need to sleep, not because tomorrow is coming.  I love making my life go by, instead of letting it go by.  

That is all.  Bye!

Hello Livejournal world,
Today is sharing day, so I decided I'd share a bit of my life with you all today. 
- I work at Starbucks now, evenings, typically Thursday-Sunday.  I am incredibly enthusiastic and so far I love it because it's easier (in my opinion) than working in a kitchen. It's now my job to talk and make friends with people.  How awesome is that?
- I am attending Douglas College "full time" but it's more like part time because it's 3 courses.  I go Monday - Thursday though!  I am taking computer and accounting classes, and it's going to be a lot more work than I'm used to (even with 3 courses).  I'm actually going to try hard at school for once, I think.  I've already started using my planner and organizing my notes after just 2 classes... just gotta get into a pattern and I will do well.  
- I am in love with Adrienne Cottingham.  She makes me happy, she makes me feel secure, and I feel she's given me a new sense of life purpose.  Spending so much time with her and having as much fun as I've had with her has made me think a lot about everything I ever knew about life.  So far, everything has been really easy to be honest.  I never worked hard for much... and now I'm too old for that.  If I want to keep the great things in my life, like Adrienne, I need to work hard.  So now... I'm going to school with this in mind, and I think I'm going to do a lot better.  

I have gone to Pender Island for a week.  HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE AS MUCH FUN AS I TOTALLY WILL BE HAVING.  

District 9 is probably one of the best and most immersive science fiction films I have ever watched.  It's incredibly action packed, despite what the trailers might have you believe.  The trailers also don't make highlight of the film's main character who is the driving force of the plot of the movie.  Sharlto Copley gives an unbendingly believable portrayal of fear, grief, and desperation as he loses his grip on humanity.  I have watched quite a few movies, but very rarely do I feel so sympathetic towards a character.   The pacing of the movie is also something that must be mentioned; it never stops.  From one thing to another.  There is no lull to fill in plot development, because as problems increase, the action increases as well.  At some point it goes from action movie to action-PACKED movie where the main character goes all Gordon Freeman, and turns from a nerdy scientist to a regular badass.  The element which makes it so immersive, and also probably the element which defines the line between pathos and bathos, is how the setting is on our own planet, in a slum created and controlled by the military in a way that victimizes and impoverishes the entire alien species. It's on our planet, and it is shown how cruel humans are in their quest for power.  Very entertaining... something for everyone, so long as you have the stomach to handle the gore.  Even I felt a little sick at some parts, but it added to the horror of the character's experience.  

This movie is so good I didn't want it to end, and I want to keep talking about it, but I don't want to spoil it for people. This can be remedied if you people all go see it.  GO SEE IT, PLEASE.  

If I attend Douglas in the fall, this is what it will look like.

Monday
12:00PM - 1:50PM
MODL 1111: French Language and Composition
2:00PM - 3:50PM
CSIS 1110: Introduction to Computers (OMG LOLZ WHATS DAT)

Tuesday & Thursday
10:30AM - 12:20PM
CSIS 1175: Introduction to Windows Programming
Waitlisted for a 12:30 - 2:20PM English class here.
2:30PM - 4:20PM
ACCT 1110: Principles of Accounting I

Wednesday
Same as monday, but I have an oral workshop for french at 11:00AM - 12:00PM.  



So, five classes in all... one with a one hour workshop class once a week.  I am not going to school in the evenings like I did in the winter, that was dumb.  I hated it.  I wish I could have got earlier classes so I could have been out of school by 2PM or so, but 4PM will do.  On Tuesdays and Thursdays I get out at 4:20 holla.  

I am young and dumb.  I don't know anything really right now except that I love the girl Adrienne Cottingham, and that I want a car desperately.  The first of those two things I don't need to worry about really.  The second thing, I need a job to be able to afford, so essentially it changes to "I want a job desperately".  I have been looking for a job since April, and have not made much success.  I am not looking hard enough.  I have been dropping off resumes everywhere, trying to be personable, and I call back the places that seem either interested, or interesting.  I re-visit places multiple times if I really want that job.  I get nothing.  I need to either be working, or in school.  I haven't done either for 3 months now, and it's making my parents think twice about paying for my tuition. 

To be honest, I don't even want to worry about whether or not they're paying my tuition... I just want to work, save, and do it myself, at whichever pace I end up doing.  I need to want something and make it myself, not have my parents want it for me.  I don't want to waste my time in Fall taking shitty courses at Douglas that I don't need, and may possibly not want.  I didn't make it in time to get the stupid fucking program I wanted, so I guess I should just wait to catch the next boat.... a fucking year from now.  It's not a race, I don't need to get a university degree asap, land a sweet job, and figure my life out by 25 years old.  I don't know enough to decide what I want my whole life to be like. 

Living at home and being a student isn't what I'm cut out to do.  My mom is right, I have it too easy here and therefore have no motivation.  I am starting to contemplate the idea of working full time (which requires finding a job asap), moving out after saving for a few months, and then start working on educational goals.  Living at home is a life-saver financially while going to school... but really... maybe it just doesn't work for idiots like myself who don't know how good they have it, take it for granted, and let life lead them where it will take them. 

Even my social life, which is all I have really had going for me this past while, is becoming largely defunct.  Why?  Because I don't know how to talk to people (Especially Rosemary) about what I think.  Which is hilarious, because I love to express and share what I think, I just can't seem to do it anymore because nobody can REALLY get inside my head.  What is helpful to me, is harmful to others... and in the same token, what I value is is seen as trivial by some.  All I can say really is that I have better things to do with my friends than berate them, or give them a hard time.  Believe it or not, I am a good natured person (or at least I believe that I am) who enjoys seeing people find their way and meet their needs. 

I need to work on how to meet my own needs right now I think. 

I don't update very often anymore, but I will still take this opportunity to inform anyone reading this that my butt has been (mostly) waxed as of today, July 5th 2009.  It was not a pleasant experience.  It wasn't even tolerable, really.  That being said - I still think it's one of those things that I had to experience once.  Once is probably enough. 

I really wish these dreams would stop.  It's incredibly frustrating, and they make me wake up feeling really uncomfortable and unhappy.  My subconscious mind is more creative than I give it credit for... it seems to have an endless supply of different ways and scenarios in which the same event can occur.  I know that these dreams aren't real, but that doesn't mean the feelings aren't real.  

When I am older, I do not want to make a huge fantastic occasion of having a couple over for dinner.  I will not make sure my house is especially clean, and that everything is rearranged to look nicer for a few hours.  I will not wear fancy clothes and drink wine at the table (that is set up very nicely) just to look classy  before the guests arrive.  These things, by popular belief, are "nice"... but who decided they are nice in the first place!  Sure, undoubtedly, some people like that sort of thing, but maybe those are the people that do this regularly and enjoy that kind of lifestyle.  For the average person, it's just not real though!  Real people aren't like that.  It sets up some pretentious front in which you hope to give off some image that you are not.   Perhaps it's all just a big dicksizing competition where we play charades and hope the other people can't figure it out.  My parents are trying hilariously hard.  It's one thing to be a good host, but it's another thing to be putting on a show.  

It is friday.  Friday holds great promise... why?  Cake is involved.  Not just any cake though, this is going to be ORANGE cake.  It is going to cakey, and orangey, and both of those things are good so I have high hopes for this cake.  Adrienne and I's last cake was kind of a swing and a miss.  Good icing, not so good cake.  I still hope to perfect a chocolate cake in the future, but for now I will battle with the delicious composition of citrus baking.  Other than cake though, I hope to do a few things this weekend!  Joseph and Ally are on the mainland again, and I miss Joseph dearly.  I don't think Ally was ever too fond of me, but who knows... people change.  I would like to see them this weekend!  Adrienne even tossed around the idea of possibly doing some "special baking" with them and I LIKE THAT IDEA.  

Saturday kind of has a wrench in it because of family dinner plans.  I think dinner plans suck if that's not all you're doing with your evening, with those people.  When you have dinner with some people, and then hang out with other people, the evening doesn't flow as smoothly at all.  On the bright side, however, my mom is making lamb shanks... and holy shit are those good.  Really really good.  Sunday I dunno wtf is up.  

Also, right now I am realizing that I miss a few people.  Kevin, Marc, Mystery, and Jayden.  More-so Jayden because he is much farther away and I don't think my prospects of seeing him in the near future are very good.  

I've been so god damn lazy when it comes to updating.   I press post, I type a sentence or two, go "nah fuck that" and then I go on facebook and play bejeweled or something.  I haven't been doing enough lately to update enough I guess!  Looking for a job, hanging out with Adrienne, hanging out with Rosie and Trevor... and playing video games.   Oh!  And I also hung out with my old friend Matt the other day.  This is interesting for a couple of reasons.  

Matt himself though has become a rather dull character.  A dull person, who knows how to have a good time, at least.  I've known Matt since I was 4 years old, and we were best friends for a lot of years (probably because he's my neighbour).  We stopped hanging out for a while when I was a scenester in grade 9, and even carried through till grade 10... but by grade 11 we were good friends again.  Only problem with Matt is he was a nice guy, but he just didn't have any legitimate respect for anyone.  The only people in his life were people he thought were fun, usually because they drank or smoked weed with him.  He didn't actually value people, I don't think.  It's painfully obvious the problem stems from his parents too... his parents didn't command any respect from Matt and just kind of let the reigns go at all times, letting him walk all over them.  Since his own parents aren't worth being respected, it's probably hard for him to create respect for other people.  That being said - it became fucking annoying when I started to realize Matt didn't actually give 2 shits about me, he just thought I was fun to be around if I was drinking or getting high with him.  As soon as other people were available to drink or get high with, I was left in the dust... and that happened for my grad.  Matt got drunk with 2 other random guys he barely knew, and ignored me and his other friends most of the night.  His other friends didn't mind, but I guess they feel the same way he does.  I guess I seek friendship where others would seek "buddies".  I'm probably just a huge woman.  

Either way, I told him he sucked, and I wanted him to realize he sucked and then he could get back to me some other time.  He never did, for a long time.  He called me up randomly at other times asking to hang out... and we didn't.  We hung out once some time where we just smoked a joint in some parking lot, went to his house, and he played a one player game and I sat there and watched, got bored, and left.  Recently though, I realized, I don't need him to be my friend in order to have him in my life, because admittedly - I had a hell of a lot of fun when I was friends with him.  So I talked to him a couple times with a different approach, and we even hung out and it was pretty cool.  He also is friends with a lot of my old friends, so I will probably see them more often if I hang out with him sometimes.  This also makes me happy.  So... in conclusion - I have decided that Matt is now my buddy, but he's a douchebag stoner who's going nowhere in life and so in that regard he can't be my friend. 

Hmmm what else?....
I like Adrienne! She keeps me sane, even when I'm crazy about her. 
That's all for another half-month. LOL hopefully not.  

It has been 51 hours since I last showered.  Those past 51 hours?  Totally awesome in my books.  Whole weekend was awesome really!

Friday -
Went to mall with Adrienne
Adrienne fell
Bought awesome USB missile launcher for Trevor that we had been looking for
Cinnamon buns
Bought puppy dog zippo lighter
Watched I Am Sam
Hung out with Rosie, Trevor, and Trevor's friends, who are very awesome
Got high on a swing with Adrienne and cuddled/talked about life/swung

Saturday however, was one of the best days I've had in... long time.  Currently, I can't think of a day that was better than Saturday was.  Great success, and almost entirely due to my fantastic company for the day <3
Went to DeDutch early with Adrienne, and made friends with the waitress.  She is Friend #1, even though her name is Rebecca (Which is spelled wrong).  I made a lot of "friends" this day, and I am a big fan of that.  Either way, the objective was to go down to Granville Island and visit Opus in order for Adrienne to spend her $100 gift card on art supplies.  This was successful.  We had many other successes though, including: Candy, hot apple cider, Friend #2, people watching, dog watching, dog complimenting, picture taking, street performers, buying flowers, lox and cream cheese on a bagel, giving flowers, Dr. Mario guy, Friend #3, Friend #4, Foxy Shazam, and of course... the Friend Posse.   

Headed back to Fleetwood, got gifts, went to Trevor's.  For most of the early part of the night, tried to make Jessica feel less uncomfortable by making her talk to me, because she didn't know anyone else there.  After many awkward moments (for her, not me) I decided maybe she'd be relieved if I left, so then I made friends with everyone else.  Pretty much, anyways.  I just talked with everyone.  I especially liked Colin, who knew NOBODY at all because he was from North Van, and yet was one of the most fun and outgoing people there.  Also - He is hilariously bad at singing, but he puts on a good show.  Party was a good one.  Good company, nobody was unruly and hard to deal with really.  In fact, I don't think anyone even annoyed me!  Except Adam because he came in at 1AM, drunk, and wanted to play Alanis Morisette on rockband.  Not cool.  What WAS cool however, were the mirrors on the ceiling of Trevor's parents' bed.  I totally want those now.  

Overall though, I had a ton of fun because I let myself BE fun, I think.  I forgot how easy it was for me to just... socialize and have fun.  Lately I think I've been less outward in socializing because I worry too much about impressing people with intellect.  Saturday reminded me that I can impress people just by being fun!  Or perhaps Adrienne has reminded me that, because really... Adrienne and I, over the past 2 and a half months have had tons of fun among other things.  Fun is good.  

Sunday, was awesomely lazy, but still cool.  Woke up late, bummed around New West waiting for sushi place to open... and when it did, HOO BOY WAS IT DELICIOUS.  All you can eat sushi at Top Gun.  Pretty damn awesome.  I ended up downing 2 things of sake to myself as well because Trevor didn't like it.  Whatever, I like sake... it rules. Also rules - Mackerel sushi.  After awesome sushi, went back to Adrienne's, and laid around and talked for like 5 hours.  We also rule.  I am incredibly happy with her, especially after this weekend.  

I went to bed early and woke up late!  12 hours sleep, 12:00am to 12:00pm.  Feels good, man.   

I had a pretty good past last 6 days, and I am now going to tell you allllll about them whether you care or not. 

Friday: Date with Adrienne.  Went to Richmond on a couple of busses with the objective of finding sushi.... and that objective was oh-so-satisfied.  Best sushi I've ever had.  We then wandered around, found a mall, bought cheap 6 dollar movies at HMV, and found our way back to Fleetwood after a long journey where we listened to emo music from 2005 on the way back.  (Y)  Watched American History X at Adrienne's, and I really don't know why I hadn't seen that movie before then.  Really glad she got me to watch it, definitely a new favourite.  

Saturday: Woke up in the late afternoon and had to go home because Adrienne's mom wanted to go dress shopping.  Ended up hanging out with Rosie and Trevor that night, which was also a great success, and I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind which is a pretty cool movie, and I enjoyed it.  Adrienne thought I wouldn't like it because it's more of a chick flick, but I think it's too trippy and its style of delivery kind of sets it aside from most chick flicks, so I dug it.  

Sunday: AHAHAH THIS FUCKING BEHEMOTH OF A DAY.  I spent 18.5 hours total working on a paper during this 24 hour period.  Philosophy is now fucking OVER.  Woooo!  There's not much else to say, except paper writing is a bitch.  Adrienne gave me a ray of sunshine to enjoy on this day by talking to me though, so it wasn't all bad. 

Monday: 4/20!  Woke up early to touch up paper, met up with Adrienne at her school, went to New West to hand in paper, then went downtown to go to the rally at the art gallery.  I called a bunch of people hoping to find a solid group to hang out with, and ended up getting Marc and Jeremy which was awesome.  Sat in a tree on the rallying grounds and smoked a couple bowls inside the outdoor hotbox (because the smoke is pretty thick haha).  We met up with Kalayna, and I met her boyfriend Tanner... and it was kind of disappointing.  Kalayna was always so outgoing, awesome and friendly.... but around her boyfriend she is super reserved, and submissive.  It was really out of character. Other people I saw: Tracy, Luke, David's brother Nick who was super happy but barely said anything except "hello", Zak, Brianna, Liam, Spencer, Jeremy's sister Leah and her crazy boyfriend Nick Day... and I met a crazy guy in the tree!  He jumped around and had really good balance.  He was also very stupid, and it was stupid beyond blaming it on being high.  Just really stupid.  He had a protest sign talking about the prohibition of marijuana which had a few legal tidbits, and I tried to bring it up in conversation with him.  HE HAD NO CLUE WTF I WAS TALKING ABOUT.   I tried to tell him a joke later, and he interrupted me before I even got halfway through it and said "That's fucked up".  YOU'RE FUCKED UP.  

Tuesday: This is the day that was before my Economics exam that I should have been studying.  Instead, I reviewed for like 30 minutes during the day, went to Jayden's going away party (which was on a Tuesday, yeah).  Every little while during the party I'd think to myself "LOL SHOULDN'T I BE STUDYING RIGHT NOW?".  Especially at the point where I'd had a few beers and was rolling a joint, and by this time it was midnight.  "My exam is in 12 hours... NOW should I be doing this?".   It's okay though; had a good time, passed out, and woke up early so I could study a bit more.  I wish I hung out with Jayden more while he was still around though, I had fun at those couple shows in Langley.   Jayden is probably the coolest guy I know, hands down.  I had this discussion with Adrienne, and it's 100% true.  Jayden you define "cool" in my eyes.  

Wednesday:  Woke up, studied, went to school, kicked the shit out of my exam, looked at video games, bought one, met up with Adrienne, spent day at metrotown goofing around, called a bunch of people who I never call, came back home & made dinner, walked around, ate fun dip in some residential park, went home... early? It felt weird hanging out all day and then coming home and it still being only like 10:00pm.  That  is nothing to say that is detrimental towards the day though... it was a good time.  ^.^

Thursday: Woke up half an hour ago.  Sup?

I have returned from Pender, written one out of two tests, and have found myself feeling things a lot more.  Feeling in the emotional sense, because I've not been very emotional in the past.  I'm not insanely emotional now either, but I'm just letting up a bit I think.  Shit happens, I get sad.  Good things happen, I feel happy.  It feels pretty nice, to be honest.  I was really monotonous for a long time with Kristin.  I'm not gonna say that Adrienne has popped into my life and suddenly I'm all emotional, because that'd be a lie, although she has most definitely been a big part of it.  I just think there's a lot more room for growth now that I've left behind the static that was my relationship with Kristin.  Other things contribute too, though, especially my mother and family.  Family situation right now is confusing as hell, and as such never fails to be jarring.  My mom called me every day at Pender, sometimes more than once... and this tells me she needs me around a lot more than I thought she ever did.  Things in my life just seem to be more emotionally demanding than it has been in the past, and I guess I'm just letting it shape me to see what I will become.  It is interesting to watch, and will continue to be.  

Weird occurrence #1:  I called Kristin on Monday at 3:19PM for a conversation that lasted 1m 32s.  Or at least, that's what my phone tells me.   I logged onto facebook after getting home from Pender, to find Kristin had messaged me asking "You called me today?".  I did not call her, or I at least did not mean to call her.  The mystery I have been trying to figure out is how the fuck my phone managed to call her number.  It wasn't a recent call, it wasn't on speed dial, and my phone was IN MY POCKET WHILE I WAS PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.  It called another number at 3:18PM, and that number was 8754*70*0845*7 which makes a lot more sense for phone pocket dialing.  However, Kristin's number is pretty specific for a phone to call, and it is hard to believe it could have gone to my menu, scrolled all the way down to "K" and then called her.  Beyond this mystery of how my phone called her though, I am also worried about how she reacted to that... I mean, the implications of me calling her after telling her I didn't want to talk to her for a long, long time are pretty shitty.  She probably thinks I'm crazy and hung up on her, which is not the case.   THIS IS ALSO A VERY SHITTY COINCIDENCE, because I also happened to bump into her at the ferry terminal in Tsawassen, as if that wasn't weird enough for me as it was.  What was weirder then, was that she acknowledged and said hi to Adrienne, but didn't see me?  That's ok because I pretended not to see her either, as I really didn't want to deal with it.  It's totally unlike myself to be that way, but I guess I can relate to people who don't want to deal with their ex's now.  

Weird occurrence #2: My uncle Lindsay is staying at my house right now until this Friday.  10 day visit overall.  This is the only uncle who is actively in my life at any given point really... and he was the only uncle I was proud of and thought was cool.  I thought he was funny, and interesting, so I wanted to show him to my friends and I've told most of them about him.  On Thursday, the day before Pender, I had Adrienne and Rosie over... and then my uncle completely embarrasses himself and me.  He makes some fart joke that went on way too long and was not exactly pleasant, as if we were some kids.  Hate to break it to him, but we've grown up quite a bit from the fart jokes.  He's 40 years old for fuck's sake... why hasn't he grown up!  He then proceeded to make really uncomfortable comments about Rosie's butt and later made comments about food that most definitely made Adrienne and Rosie further uncomfortable.  I just can't believe he thought it was acceptable.  Apparently he didn't though, because he later admitted to my mother that he "may have said some things".  NO SHIT.  The feeling of pride for him in front of my friends that I had for him before this has turned into shame now.  I don't want my friends to meet him at all, because he's immature, disrespectful, a racist, and objectifies women... although I won't get into detail about all these traits on this post.  What it comes down to now though, is that nobody in my house wants to bring guests over while Lindsay is here because he's just so invasive in everyone's company.  My mom denied having my sister having her Afghan friend "Irasthma" over, because she knows Lindsay is a racist, and will make jokes that are simply not acceptable.  Isn't that fucking pathetic?  I have to go talk to him sometime tonight now, because his actions have changed how my whole family reacts to his presence in the house.  

What else.  >.>  ...well last night Adrienne was like "oh noes computer broke" and so I went over to her house promptly and fixed it, because it was a pretty good reason to go see her, even though I already visited her at work that day.  Went and smoked a joint too which was also nice.  Sat on a playground and reminisced about high school days.   Later went home, went to bed around 3... then woke up today at 2:30PM.  Whoa.  WHOA.  Originally had plans to go out with Adrienne tonight to adventure around somewhere for a weird sushi place, but had to cancel because of a family dinner my uncle is cooking.  Probably going to hang out with her afterwards though.  

This is a pretty long entry but that's too bad for you, Mr./Ms. Reader.  ^.^

Listened to my parents fight, felt real shitty, wrote a paper, felt real shitty, going to Pender, HAV GUD THYME.  Totally need this.  Kbai. 

It is my opinion that freedom, in its purest essence, is a very unhappy thing.  To be entirely free is to reveal the mistrust we have in ourselves.  In the event that one is entirely without bounds, able to make whatever decision they want without any regard for consequences or effect, a lot of fear arises.  A good example may be for anyone who has climbed up to a high place with no railing.  For most people, this would cause a severe feeling of vertigo, that a lot of people reduce to a simple fear of heights.  I would argue that feeling of vertigo is a human's brief glimpse into what freedom is really like.  In that moment, you are more in control of your life on a primal basis than you ever usually are.  That feeling of vertigo is reducible to a feeling of mistrust in oneself.  What is to stop yourself from hurling yourself off at that altitude?  Nothing.  You are entirely free to do whatever you choose with your life.  That freedom, that lack of guideline, is very frightening.  To fight for total freedom is essentially to remove the railings on our lives.  

This is why our society is not an anarchistic one.  

Been a while since I felt like writing.  I am already lazy.  Niiiice.  

GOOD THINGS THAT HAPPENED THIS WEEK:
- The Office (US) Seasons 1 & 4 purchased by myself.
- The Office (UK) Seasons 1 & 2 purchased by Adrienne.
- Realized Pender trip is next weekend. 
- Defined what "moods" are with Adrienne.  
- Got a 10 day extension on a paper because the prof <3's me.  
- Trevor's birthday.  
- Good week for downloads!  LOST Season 1-4, Pinky and the Brain, over 1000 songs, Gattica, and Milk.  Just need time to watch/listen now...
Of
 

I had a pretty cool Friday though!  Adrienne met me after school and the only plan was to get high and get lost in Vancouver somehow.  We ended up going across the water to North Van and wandered around there for a while.  It was pretty fun, actually.  It was only a semi-success though because I didn't really feel too lost.  I had very little idea of where I was geographically, but I don't think I could feel lost with Adrienne.  She has a way about her that makes being anywhere, doing anything, at anytime seem to be just fine.  She offered to walk around Vancouver till 6AM for all we could have cared... but we were too tired for that.  Her ankle was hurtey too, because she wtfpwned herself versus the floor the previous day.  

Happy birthday again, Trevor!

EFF.  Stupid lineups in the cold wasting 5 hours of my night.  Protest, I don't care how good you are... you can't impress your fans worth jack shit if you let them sit outside all night.  

Other than that, yay I am happy with life.  Mostly because I'm all airy fairy over Adrienne... she's cool and I like her.  :)  Semester is coming to an end so I am happy about that.  I got a good haul from the Taboo sex show that Rosie and I went to on Saturday, and that is pretty cool.  Overall, pretty good.  I must admit though, the lameness of tonight brought me down exponentially... But really in the bigger picture it's not all that bad.  

Yay!